I’ve been up talkin to Saint Peter,
and he gave me this here pen,
and sent me back to the earth,
and told me to try it again.
Whatever it was
I didn’t do it.
Whatever it was
It was already done.
Nobody cared,
and it didn’t matter–
Everything’s gonna be alright.
January 9th Loretta: Well, dear, are you satisfied?
Bob: How do you mean, satisfied. I can’t read your mind, hon.
Loretta: After all these years of marriage, eight children, a radiant collection of grandchildren, you’d think you could.
Bob: After all these years of marriage, and your career as a junior high school English teacher, you’d think that you would know how I feel about your lapses into woman-speak. The last time I looked I hadn’t changed gender.
Loretta: Hemmmmmm, alright let me say that you ought to be satisfied that your choice for candidate won in New Hampshire.
Bob: Ah, yes. Well, I trusted that the, ahem, rank-and-file of my party would see sense, and vote for the right man. You know character counts, when it is all said and done.
Loretta: Well, yes it does— Bob: In your party, whom do you prefer? Loretta: “Sisterhood is powerful—“
Bob: Ooohh, not that old saw, please. We’re not going to rehash the seventies, are we? It seems to me we had enough of that the first time.
Loretta: You mean, speaking of precise speech, when I became interested in—
Bob: Yes, you and the girls, for a while I thought me and the two boys were held hostage by a rag-tag group of radical feminists.
Loretta: That’s the, boys and I, dear. We were hardly, as you call it, a rag-tag group of radical feminists.
Bob: That’s a matter of opinion.
Loretta: So be it. It didn’t make you any worse for wear, dear. Besides, it made good men better.
Bob: Perhaps, but tell me who are you for?
Loretta: Well, I wanted to vote my heart.
Bob: Your heart?
Loretta: Yes, my heart, and if you’d let me finish a sentence—
Bob: I apologize…dear. Loretta: Indeed. Yes, I wanted to vote my heart, but I decided to vote my conscious because I believe our country is at stake.
Bob: So, you’re for Senator Clinton, then?
Loretta: I would have thought that perfectly obvious from the quote. What’s that for?
Bob: Your heart. It’s bleeding all over the keyboard.
Loretta: Thank you, dear. You are such a character.
Bob: I’m glad you noticed. Besides, I think Senator McCain is imminently qualified. I—
Loretta: You don’t disagree, then, with his stand on immigration?
Bob: What? Well, it’s a thorny issue, and I can’t say what the answer ought to be. I thought that President Bush had the right idea, but he didn’t seem to be able to convince anyone else except Senator McCain. I do know that I agree with him. That and the fact, that unlike another member of the Senate, running for the nomination of your party, he doesn’t ignore the hard questions, nor does he avoid an explanation to a vote he’s given. McCain puts his country first.
Loretta: You would be referring to Senator Obama, and the fact that he ignored a question he was asked in Iowa about the subprime loans, and the two points raised by Senator Clinton on his votes for the provision of funds on the Iraq War and his vote for the renewal of the Patriot Act.
Bob: Yep, precisely. Seems to my mind he’s a one issue candidate. When that retired nurse asked about the subprime loan, he danced around the question like he was on hot coals, and then fell back to his health care position. I must say that Senator Clinton does stick to her guns, explains her positions, and doesn’t apologize for votes she’s given—
Loretta: You mean she shows character? I mean, after all, she is a Democrat, not a Republican, puts her country first, I believe, and she’s not your cup of tea, so--
Bob: Oh, call it what you will, but, yes, it does show character on her part. I can’t say fairer than that.
Loretta: No, indeed you can’t.
Bob: Well, at least we agree on character…
Loretta: Imminently.
Together: See you soon.
January 4th
Loretta: That’s our theme song, folks, and I want to welcome
you all to our first blog and–
Bob: That, ‘our,’ would be me and my wife. My wife’s the Democrat in and I’m the Republican, and we are going to be follow the political fortunes of the presidential candidates in this election cycle.
Loretta: Thanky you, dear. I was going to tell the folks all of that, but thank you for, saving me the effort.
Bob: You are welcome, honey. I just want to let the nice folks to understand what we are up to here.
Loretta: I’m sure the folks can read this, don’t you?
Bob: Read and understand, I trust you mean, Loretta.
Loretta: Thank you, dear.
Bob: You’re welcome, hon.
Loretta: Anyway, as I’m sure everyone knows Iowa has spoken, and what they have said is that Senator Barak Obama is their man, with 37% of the vote.
Bob: In my opinion, I think the people in Iowa are suckers–
Loretta: Bob! Please, you aren’t at home.
Bob: I can speak my mind in my own blog, can’t I.
Loretta: Speaking your mind, and being rude are two different–
Bob: Just a horse of a different color.
Loretta: You mean like the former Governor of Arkansas, Reverend Huckabee?
Bob: I mean that your candidate is the kind of politician that’s all to familiar, and, after eight years of dull and witless speak–
Loretta: That’s your President Bush, dear.
Bob: That’s right, Loretta. He’s my President, and I can’t help the fact that the only time he spoke clearly and succinctly was when he spoke about the Mitchell Report.
Loretta: That’s not saying much, dear.
Bob: What I was trying to say before you jumped in with both feet is that your candidate has stepped in the rhetorical breach. He’s got those rhetorical flourishes that are short on commitment and long on empty promises. At least the Rev. Huckabee sounds like a person. In fact, for a minute, I thought the Senator was the Reverend and the Reverend, the Senator.
Loretta: I need to correct you on something.
Bob: Okay–
Loretta: First, Senator Obama is not my candidate. None of the people I preferred, got past Iowa.
Bob: I see. You don’t think that one of the people you preferred, throwing his Iowa candidacy behind the Senator, made a difference?
Loretta: I think it made some, not much. Secondly, I want to say,most emphatically, that, though I understand the dearth of political rhetoric, I don’t believe that rhetoric matters, one lick, and, I do believe that people have a need to hope because things are bad. Surely, even you can see that, Bob.
Bob: You going to start that lecture about Taft, again?
Loretta: Well, Bob, listening to the victory speech of Senator Obama, I remembered that when President Bush first began his presidency, he quoted President Theodore Roosevelt, and even mentioned that he admired him, but, then all of that changed, and we wound up with eight years of Taft, Harding, Coolidge and Hoover combined.
Bob: You did the lecture, hon.
Loretta: Of course, I did, dear.
Bob: The last word is down to you, then.
Loretta: 1-zip.
Bob: Until next time, folks. This is Maximum Bob–
Loretta: And Maximum Loretta, saying–
Bob and Loretta: See you soon.
